


of dreams and nightmares

by marvelthismarvelthat



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Dad Coulson, Family, Fluff and Angst, mama may, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelthismarvelthat/pseuds/marvelthismarvelthat
Summary: There was a reason Melinda May rarely seemed to sleep, with the weight of the world on her shoulders and an amount of grief that would swallow most people whole, her sleep was usually everything but restful. orThe one where May has a nightmare, and wakes to something that she'd long given up on coming true.Also known as the tumblr prompt that got way, wayyyy out of hand.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vl19scriptfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vl19scriptfic/gifts).



> the result of the tumblr prompt "one aos character, one good dream and one nightmare" which ended up taking a life of its own. yikes. 
> 
> this is technically canon divergent as of the end of 4x02, but keeps aspects of 4x03.

There was a reason Melinda May rarely seemed to sleep.

The monsters that came for her in the night were too painful, too powerful for her to fight off. 

But her monsters weren’t actually monsters.

 They were her most awful memories; convoluted, distorted and reimagined by her mind to hurt her more than they already did.

Tonight was no different.

She’d gone to bed early after Tai Chi, giving in to the exhaustion that was a left over side effect of the illness that had overtaken her mind and body just a few weeks earlier. Her plan had been to wake up within four or five hours to avoid the nightmares she was sure would come haunt her if she slept for too long. But in her exhaustion, she’d slept through her alarm, an occurrence that had become more and more common in the past few weeks. 

So the monsters came to visit.

Suddenly she was back in Bahrain, watching as the soldiers dragged the little girl into the compound with them. 

She dreamt of convincing Phil to let her go inside the compound alone.

She dreamt of calling Andrew, to hear his voice again just in case.

She dreamt of infiltrating the compound and fighting her way through mercenaries, soldiers and insurgents.

She dreamt of fighting and killing Katya’s mom.

And she dreamt of Katya walking slowly towards her, her hand outstretched, telling her that she liked people’s pain and that she needed a new mother.

Then the dream morphed, going from a terrible flashback to a living image of her worst fear.

One moment Katya was standing before her, staring at her with a dangerous, unhinged look in her eye, and the next she had seamlessly transformed into Daisy.  Except this Daisy was one that was missing all the warmth her Daisy always had; her eyes were cold, her face pulled into a sneer as she determinately advanced on a cowering May.

Terror clawed its way up her throat as she desperately crawled backwards, her hand finding the gun that would end it all.

She wished she could say she made a different choice in her nightmare, but she didn’t.

Instead, she woke with a start, heart racing and soaked in cold sweat, at the sound of the gun in her hand firing a bullet aimed straight for Daisy’s heart.

* * *

 

May pulled her knees up to her chest, curling tightly on herself and willing her heart to stop racing.

Usually she’d give up all pretense of regaining any sense of calm on her own and simply sneak into Daisy’s room to reassure herself that she was alive, but Daisy was gone, having taken her self-hatred and disappearing into the night nearly a year before.

For all she knew now, Daisy could be lying dead in a ditch somewhere with no hope of anyone saving her, and that terrified her nearly as much as her nightmares did.

May shoved away the thought, last they’d known Daisy was alive and doing some serious damage to the Watchdogs’ cause just south of Portland, Oregon. That had been two weeks ago. Surely her kid hadn’t gone and gotten herself killed in that time, even if she was running with a man that had a flaming skull for a head

Still, with in the wake of such a vivid nightmare, all sorts of worst case scenarios kept popping up in her mind, keeping her from being able to settle her heart.

She didn’t know how long she’d sat there, attempting to quell the irrational fear, when someone knocked lightly on the door and opened it without waiting for a reply.

“May, don’t kill me.” Coulson sounded winded as he closed the door behind him.

May frowned as she silently scanned him for any injuries. He’d been out doing recon on some Inhuman activity occurring near their base when she’d gone to bed, but it had been an extremely safe mission, the kind that didn’t require any kind of back up, yet it seemed like something had happened.

“Don’t you know the whole point of knocking is to wait for the person on the other side of the door to open it?” she asked, irritation compounded by her nightmare and the sudden intrusion seeping into her tone despite her concern.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just leapt over the whole personal boundaries thing, but I have a good excuse.” Coulson paused, a goofy look appearing on his face as he gauged her reaction.

May narrowed her eyes, decidedly unimpressed with his dramatics. “Well?”

“I can’t tell you. You need to come with me so I can show you.” Coulson said, meeting her eyes, silently pleading for her to not dig her heels in on this one.

May gritted her teeth in an attempt not to snap at him. “Fine.”

“You’ll need to pack a bag and you’ll have put in for a few weeks’ leave in the morning. I’m sure Director Smiley won’t think twice if you say it’s for medical reasons.”

She hummed in agreement, grabbing a duffle bag from her dresser and absentmindedly shoving some clothes into it. At least the goofy look on Phil’s face meant that whatever trouble he’d gotten into wasn’t any reason to panic or be concerned. Considering her current emotional state, she was counting that as a small blessing.

Once done, she swung her bag over her shoulder and turned back to Coulson, who was already opening her door and hurriedly stepping out into the hallway.

If she was being honest, she was far too tired and upset to really deal with whatever antics Phil had gotten up to this time, but it wasn’t like he was giving her much of a choice. Plus, she was damn curious about what was going on. So she fell into step beside him without complaint, matching his comfortable and relaxed pace to avoid looking suspicious to any onlookers. 

The base was mostly deserted, with only the night shift personnel on post at their respective stations, leaving them to walk through the halls with no interruptions.

“You could’ve at least given me a chance to change out of my pajamas.” May said, sighing as she looked down at her attire.

 Coulson chuckled, sneaking a sideways glance at her. “And miss the chance to make fun of how small you look in loose sweatpants and a baggy academy tee? Nope.”

May glared at him. “You do realize that I can kick your ass even in my pajamas?”

 “Yes. Yet I don’t particularly care.” Coulson said cheekily, pausing in front of the hangar doors to swipe his ID card. “You don’t really scare me. Or at least not that much.”

The only response he received from May as he quickened his pace and hurried through the hangar ahead of her was a low growl. She was going to kick his ass the first chance she got, no doubt about it.

He reached the SUV first, pulling the back door open for May without saying a word, ignoring her questioning look. Her confusion didn’t last long. The second she peered in to the back seat, May suddenly found herself holding back a gasp and gripping the car door to steady herself.

In the opposite side of the seat, curled under Coulson’s jacket, was a sleeping Daisy.

She looked back to Coulson. “How-“

“Not right now.” Coulson shook his head as a smile played at the corners of his mouth. “We’ll talk about it once we get out.”

May met his eyes disbelievingly for a second, before carefully climbing into the back seat, making sure not to move around more than necessary in case it woke Daisy. 

She could hardly believe her own eyes, if she didn’t know any better, she’d think she was still asleep. Daisy looked as beat down as she’d ever seen her; what she could see of her skin was mottled with bruises, and her breathing was ragged and shallow. But the girl was alive, and she was home. It was as if the enormous weight she’d been carrying since she’d disappeared had momentarily lifted. She could breathe again. 

She’d spent so long thinking that she would never see Daisy in person again, that having her sitting beside her just didn’t seem real.

“She came out of nowhere. Scared the crap out of me when she stumbled out of the shadows.”

Coulson’s voice startled her out of the trance, making her jump in her seat. She hadn’t so much as noticed that they’d pulled out of the base or that they’d already been driving for a while because she’d been so lost in her thoughts.

“What?” May was confused, the second she’d laid eyes on Daisy she’d just kind of assumed that Phil had faked another mission to go find her.

Phil sighed, looking at her briefly through the rearview mirror. “There were no inhumans where the tip told us there would be. No suspicious activity whatsoever. The town was quiet. I lingered around in the car for a few hours just in case something popped back up. But nothing happened, so I stepped into a Denny’s to have some breakfast and when I came out she just sort of appeared suddenly. Which, you know, was kind of creepy.”

Daisy coughed wetly, the rough and distressing sound cutting through the brief silence. May frowned at the sound, the pieces slowly starting to fall into place.

“You think she called the tip in herself.” May stated, reaching out to gently brush Daisy’s hair away from her face, wincing as she noticed the bruising and swelling running from her temple to her jaw.

“Yeah. She’s pretty banged up and I’m pretty sure she has pneumonia or something else that’s affecting her lungs. All she said was ‘I want to go home’. Not a word else. She was asleep within a minute of getting in the car.” Coulson paused, letting May process the information as he pulled into the safe house’s driveway. He’d had two hours it had taken him to drive back to base to work around Daisy coming home after so long, May had barely had twenty minutes. “This safe house is not as far from base as I’d like considering Director Color Spectrum still has a kill order on her, but she needs to get some sleep in an actual bed. We can figure out what to do in the morning.”

May offered no reply, choosing to stay silent as the car rolled to a stop in front of the safe house she and Coulson had purchased two years earlier, in case their team ever needed to lay low away from base. Getting Daisy out of this mess was going to be incredibly hard, no matter how much they tried to figure out a plan.

Coulson got out of the car and moved to Daisy’s door, opening it as quietly as he could. “I’m just going to carry her in. There’s no use in waking her up when she’s so out of it.”

May let a small smirk rise to her face. Poor man was going to be complaining for a week about his back, no matter how light Daisy was.

Slowly, Coulson slipped his arms under Daisy’s knees and behind her shoulders, trying his hardest not to jostle her more than absolutely necessary as he lifted her from her seat. At the sudden movement, Daisy whimpered and coughed, moving to struggle against the contact without waking.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s just me, you’re safe here.” Coulson murmured, the words immediately making Daisy sag against his shoulder with an accompanying sigh of relief.

May watched for a few seconds before gathering their bags before and exiting the vehicle to hurry ahead of Coulson and open the door to the safe house.

May paused once inside and dropped their bags, flicking on the lights and taking in her surroundings. The air was musty and there was a layer of dust coating every surface she could see, yet the place still managed to feel warm and homey. That warmth was why she and Coulson had decided on buying this old farmhouse, rather than go for one of the newer homes in the area that would surely provide more security.

Behind her, the porch steps creaked, announcing Coulson and Daisy’s arrival. “Probably should’ve thought about the dust before bringing someone with a suspected case of pneumonia here.”

“Better than taking her to base and have her be arrested.” May deadpanned, glancing briefly at Daisy and frowning as she took in the extent of the bruising covering the girl’s arms. “We’ll clean a room for her in the morning. For now, let’s just get her to a bed… Before you break your back, old man.”

Coulson snorted, freezing when Daisy shifted briefly in his arms only to have her immediately settle again. “What are you on about? You’re only a month younger than me.”

“Age is mental, Phil.” She said flatly, shrugging her shoulders and slowly beginning to climb the stairs. “You have been old since you were born. Plus, Jemma once told me I don’t look a day over thirty and she's a genius.”

Coulson stayed quiet as he followed, a smile rising to his face at May’s teasing. It was refreshing, even if he knew it was only so she could cover up how worried was.

“See? Can’t even come up with an argument. Means I’m right.”

“Yeah, sure. You’re always right.” Coulson rolled his eyes.

In the midst of their half-hearted banter, they’d reached the master bedroom and May had begun busying herself with pulling back the covers on the bed.

“Glad to see that you’ve finally learned.” May huffed smugly, stepping back to watch as Coulson gently put Daisy down on the bed and dropped a kiss to her forehead.

She wasn’t really prepared for the emotion that washed over her at the sight. As hard as the past few months had been on her, she knew they’d been harder on Coulson. How close had they come to never being in the same room as Daisy again? Most of what she could see of Daisy’s skin was bruised and bloodied in some form or another, and the girl was so still that if it weren’t for her rattling breaths and occasional coughs, May would be feeling the urge to check her pulse to make sure she was alive. It made her feel sick, seeing a kid, her kid, who’d once been so vibrant be so incredibly beaten down by the world.

“Hey, don’t do that.” Coulson’s soft voice broke her train of thought just as a wave of guilt hit her like a freight train.

“Do what?”

“Let your mind go dark places.” Phil smiled gently. “She’s here. She’s alive. She’s safe. That’s what matters.”

May took a shaky breath, blinking the tears away. “God, Phil. Look at her. She’s all black and blue. How close did she come to-“ She swallowed, gritting her teeth and turning away from him to cover Daisy’s body with the blankets surrounding her. “We should find her some more blankets, you know she likes sleeping with a mountain of them.” 

“May, don’t shut me-“

“Phil, not tonight. I’m-“ May paused and focused on listening to Daisy’s breathing, the exhaustion from the past few weeks seeping into her bones. “It’s been a long night.”

Coulson’s shoulders sagged, a sure sign that he’d given up on getting anything more out of her for the rest of the night. The sight almost made her feel bad, she knew he just wanted to help, but she didn’t want to be helped at the moment. She just wanted there to be quiet so she could bask in Daisy’s presence for a little longer.

“Go lay down, sleep.” Coulson’s voice left little room for argument as he stared her down. 

Her brow furrowed. She wasn’t about to let Daisy out of her sight for even a second, especially to go to sleep, where the nightmares would surely find her.

“May.” Coulson paused, reaching out to grip her shoulder in his real hand. “I’m not telling you to leave. Daisy only takes up a quarter of this huge bed and I don’t expect you to let her out of your sight for a minute. I’ll be right here if anything happens, so lay down, get some rest. God knows you haven’t gotten any in the past few weeks.” May raised a questioning eyebrow. “Please, I’ve known you more than 30 years. I can always tell when you have nightmares, which has been pretty frequently as of late.” 

Suddenly, May found herself deflating, the fight leaving her body at his words. Of course he knew. He was Phil. He probably knew her better than anyone else on this planet, and that filled her with relief. It was funny, how often she forgot how good it felt to have someone around that could read her so easily. It felt… safe.

Going to sleep didn’t seem as daunting now, not when she would have Daisy and Coulson within her reach if anything where to happen. So she turned away from him and crawled into the bed without saying another word, curling up under the sheets, close enough to Daisy that she could feel the kid’s body heat radiating through the pile of blankets.

“Thank you.” She said, her eyes finding his as she breathed in the scent that was so unmistakably Daisy.

“For what?” Coulson cocked his head inquisitively as he sat on the edge of the bed next to Daisy, rubbing the girl’s back as she coughed. “All I did was tell you to go to sleep.”

May rolled her eyes, a small smile appearing on her face. “Finding her, bringing her home.”

“I didn’t find her. She found me. She _chose_ to come home. Just like she always does. Now hush, go to sleep.”

And so she did. After looking around the room one last time to make sure it was secure, she let her eyes settle on Daisy for a second before closing them, drifting off almost immediately.

This time, deeply as she slept, the monsters didn’t come haunt her and her failures were the furthest thing from her subconscious.

Instead, she dreamt a memory of Daisy and their team huddled together around the common room fireplace during their last Christmas together, their laughter and joy filling the room as they opened their gifts. That night she simply dreamt of family.

She’d never admit it to anyone, but it was the first dream, the first peaceful night, she’d had since Daisy had disappeared all those months before.

**Author's Note:**

> drop me a comment and tell me what you think if you have a minute! also visit me at marvelthismarvelthat on tumblr if you have any prompts :D


End file.
